and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
