The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
