You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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