I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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