Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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