he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
