Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
