who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
