Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
