I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
