i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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