Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
