it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need a burrito and a hug.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
