dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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