i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
