singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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