Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
