dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
