u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
