Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to jail i love you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
