Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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