I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
