I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
