why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
