Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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