My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you inspire me to be a worse person
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
