If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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