Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
