the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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