dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
