nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize