hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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