my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
