Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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