idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
