it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
