but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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