hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
