I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
