I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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