hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
