:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
