Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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