what day is it and did you see me today?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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