I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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