The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
