Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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