I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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