I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You pole danced in your parka.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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