So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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