well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
