my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm both gender and math confused
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
