Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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