I think I am morally bankrupt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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