Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
