Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
