I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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