mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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