I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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