P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
