My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
