i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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