Me too!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
