I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
