My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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