Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
