how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
