Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
