i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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