if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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