I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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