Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
