I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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