You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
