there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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