Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
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I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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